Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
