Sponge bath it is.
I looked at my own cervix.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
