I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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