put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
