I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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