I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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