direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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