Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
