I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
