they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
