I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
