1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He better not be in your backpack
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
