So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
