I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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