Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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