I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
