used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
