im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
