careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
