i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
