She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
