Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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