i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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