Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
