I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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