I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
