Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
