Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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