I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
