I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
