You made me cry and you don't even care
Having a random hookup so left but love u
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
