Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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