There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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