quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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