just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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