you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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