We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
