Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i came on her dog
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
