Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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