Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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