Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
sarcasm needs its own font
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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