Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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