Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
