My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
