if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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