Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
