somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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