mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
