How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
