i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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