I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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