My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
