the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
