I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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