Soap is not a condiment
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
