If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
