She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
