i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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